This time last year, I predicted that the Orioles would not suck forever. They sucked last year, but that’s not forever.

And they did not suck for all of last year, either. After finishing the first half only six games under .500, the 2009 Orioles began to suck hard after trading away their closer, best hitter, and several other pieces of an already incomplete puzzle. The second half of 2009 was really about calling exciting young prospects up to the big leagues to see what they could do. The growing pains were obvious and Baltimore finished 2009 with 98 losses.

I am going to go out on a limb and predict that the Orioles will not lose 98 games in 2010! This team is young, hungry, and talented. Every area in which the Orioles disappointed last year has been improved for 2010. I believe they have done enough to finally break the 12-year losing streak and turn the corner into respectability.

After enduring 12 consecutive losing seasons (The O’s have not made the playoffs since going wire-to-wire in the AL East in 1997), fans have the right to be skeptical. But I feel there is much cause for optimism. Hey, it’s February! My prediction? 87 wins! Same total as the “Why not?” season of 1989.  Hey, as we said back then between bites of Jack’s corned beef on Lombard Street, “Why not, hon?”

The Oriole starting pitching staff is greatly improved from last year. Kevin Millwood is a proven horse. Jeremy Guthrie is coming off a down year, but he put up good numbers in 2007 and 2008 and is looking to rebound. Brad Bergeson was looking like a Rookie of the Year candidate last year before a line drive to the shin ended his season in July. Chris Tillman and Brian Matusz have been on every scout’s list of hot prospects for several years, and both gained big league experience in 2009. This young, intriguing staff could surprise the world right out of the gate!

The Orioles ranked fifth in the AL in batting average and doubles in 2009 but were below average in most other statistical offensive categories. This year, the improved offense could be a lot of fun to watch!

The Orioles’ outfielders can match up with any team in the majors. Nick Markakis and Adam Jones are budding superstars, five tool players the likes of which the Orioles have not had in my lifetime (with apologies to Ken Singleton and Al Bumbry).

At catcher, Baltimore boasts last year’s most talked about, and perhaps history’s most overhyped, rookie in Matt Wieters. Wieters is a true stud at the position, with a great arm and sky’s-the-limit offensive potential. He batted .362 with 14 RBI in September, and if he looks anything like that this Spring, you will see a lot of smiles in Sarasota.

Two more players to watch are new corner infielders Garrett Atkins and Miguel Tejada. Atkins returns to his natural position after yielding the post to Todd Helton in Colorado, while former Oriole (and former MVP) Tejada will make the transition to third base that so many other great shortstops (including Cal Ripken) have done around his age (36).

Up the middle, the Orioles have one of the best double-play combinations in baseball with Brian Roberts and Cesar Izturis. Both are terrific infielders who may not always make the Sportscenter highlights but who almost always make the play.

The bullpen is also improved, with new closer Mike Gonzalez. Gonzalez is one of the top lefty relievers in the game, and his addition allows setup man Jim Johnson to return to his proper role after inheriting closer duties from George Sherrill after he was traded to the Dodgers for Josh Bell. And do not forget Koji Uehara, the Japanese import who in 2009 was forced into a starting role and subsequently shut down due to injury. Uehara should thrive in the bullpen, as he is not built for the endurance required of MLB starters.

“Well, if the Orioles look so great, let’s just bet the farm they win the World Series, Clayton!” Not so fast, hypothetical respondent! While the Orioles are greatly improved, they still have many question marks. A team this young may struggle with endurance, focus, personality, variance, emotion, and health. Additionally, the Oriole offense lacks a true cleanup hitter and is wanting for power throughout the lineup. Two corner infielders not playing the same position as last year raises a red flag as well.

And then there’s that little detail of playing in the toughest division in sports, the AL East! I am convinced the Orioles could win the AL Central, but guess what? That’s not where they play. If the Orioles do not improve their record within the division it is very hard to imagine them finishing over .500 in 2010. 

I for one am truly excited about the product Peter Angelos and Company are putting onto the field this year. Much remains to be seen, but that is the fun of having a fresh, young, up and coming team like the 2010 Baltimore Orioles. I say let’s party like it’s 1989.

Why not?

www.claytonfletcher.com

If I ever disappear and you don’t know where to find me, one good place to start looking might be Melbourne, Australia. I love this town!

Even though I will not be coming home with the Aussie Millions championship bracelet and the two million bucks to go with it, I will be coming home with some really great memories.

My hotel is located along the Yarra River, which runs right through the heart of this amazing world city. Like a tiny, quaint version of Baltimore’s Inner Harbor, the CBD (Central Business District) features shops, bars, restaurants, street musicians, and a peaceful, breathtaking image that reminds you this is no average place.

Many of you know how important weather is to me, and I could not ask for better! Here in Melbourne, it is 76 degrees with a very light breeze. There are never any clouds in the sky and no evidence that God hates me ever presents itself in the form of extreme windchill. Every day I look forward to stepping out onto the sidewalk in my shorts and t-shirt. By the way, it’s January.

People here are very warm and friendly. But what strikes me most about attitudes among Victorians is their sheer pride in their city. Yesterday at the poker table a man asserted without irony that “this is the best city in the world, hands down.” And he know darn well that I come from New York! I could not really argue with him, at least not in January.

Tomorrow night is my Australian debut at The Last Laugh Comedy Club in downtown Melbourne. The show is at 9PM and I hope you can make it. I can’t wait to see how people react to my American sense of humor. Should be interesting…

If you like smiling faces, beautiful scenery, world class restaurants, fine arts, nightlife, and sports, you will love Melbourne, Australia. Possibly the best city in the world!

Well, I have arrived in Melbourne for the 2010 Aussie Millions. I got here early because I wanted to get used to the time difference before I play in the Main Event. I have ZERO jetlag because I slept for ten hours on my flight. Thank you, Ambien!

I am excited for my friend Lee Jones to arrive because as of now I do not know anyone. It is not difficult to make friends, though, as Aussies are very friendly.

The poker action is fast and furious downstairs and the weather outside is absolutely perfect. I can’t decide whether to take a walk along the Yarra River in the sun or get back to work in the casino. I am leaning toward a quick walk to Melbourne Park to check out some Australian Open tennis action.

This trip is off to a great start. The Main Event begins on Sunday. I will be updating all of my progress on www.twitter.com/claytoncomic

I will blog some more later. For now, Go Andy Roddick!

As 2009 draws to a close I realize it has been one of the best years of my life! In the spirit of trying to be thankful for all of life’s precious gifts, I want to look back on 2009 in this blog entry.

JANUARY
I spent most of January freezing my ass off while running to and from various comedy shows. I auditioned for David Letterman and the Montreal Comedy Festival. Didn’t get either but at least I got seen. Brrr it’s cold!!!

FEBRUARY
Flew West (???) for the winter. Performed in The Las Vegas Comedy Show and participated in the Venetian Deep Stack poker series. No cashes but gained valuable experience in a major tournament. Cleaned up in the cash games so did a little worse than even this month pokerwise. The shows in LV were incredible, as always. Thank you, Joe Lowers!!!

MARCH
Back to NYC. Auditioned for Comedy Central. Didn’t book that. The Clayton Fletcher Show thrives and features guests like Gary Gulman and Christian Finnegan! Advertising Age did a really nice piece on my corporate comedy training seminar. Performed on Carnival Cruise Lines with my best friend Jason Dowty. Baseball season started. Go Orioles!

APRIL
Lots of performing in and around NYC. Auditioned for an Uma Thurman movie. Didn’t book it. The Clayton Fletcher Show going strong and now twice a week, every Friday and Saturday. Was keynote speaker at the Lumin Summit in North Carolina. Also did lots of stuff at Carolines and Stand Up NY. 

MAY
Spent a weekend in Atlantic City with my buddy Al. I won $7,000 for Third Place at Borgata. Had a nice cigar and an amazing dinner at Bobby Flay’s with my pal to celebrate. Performed to capacity crowds in my hometown at The Baltimore Comedy Factory. Debut of my brand new website ClaytonFletcher.com   Beginning of softball season in Central Park!

JUNE
Back to Vegas for The Las Vegas Comedy Show and various debaucherous adventures (none of which can be mentioned as per Las Vegas policy. It stays there).

JULY
Met Jamie Foxx and performed on his radio show, The Foxxhole! Also participated in the 40th Annual World Series of Poker. Didn’t cash but gained more major tournament experience. Took Fourth Place at a celebrity charity event at The Playboy Mansion. Still can not believe that I was at the Playboy Mansion!!! 

AUGUST
Broke my previous record of 63 shows in one month by doing 74 in August 2009. Most of them in/around NYC at New York Comedy Club, Carolines, Gotham, Broadway, and Stand Up NY. Wrote some new jokes and got them working. Was featured on the Two Plus Two Poker Podcast live from the Hard Rock Hotel.

SEPTEMBER
Worked with Peppercom on a hilarious promotional video called The Sleazy Underbelly. Performed in the Boston Comedy Festival and made the semi-finals. Sold-out Clayton Fletcher Shows every weekend in New York. Participated in the World Poker Tour Main Event at Borgata. Ran kings into aces and then went home.

OCTOBER
Appeared on WNBC’s Today in New York. Had an article published for Simple Motivation magazine. New York Comedy Club open mic named Best in NYC. Had a featured role in the film Whistle and Snap featured in the Friars Club Comedy Film Festival. Worked harder on my stand-up than ever before throughout October. Headlined a fundraiser for breast cancer research benefitting the Tour de Pink bike race.

NOVEMBER
One last trip to Las Vegas for 2009, this time with my friends Al Martin and Dylan Drazen. We had a blast, named ourselves The Bubble Thugs. Not too much bubbling going on as Al finished in first place at Bellagio and Dylan took second at Caesars Palace. My own glory would have to wait one month.  Meanwhile, back at the ranch my show continues to sell out at New York Comedy Club.

DECEMBER
Third Place at Harrahs WSOP Circuit Event, my first major final table. Organized an amazing fundraiser for Autism Speaks. Christmas spirit gets the best of me and I spend most of the month being a softee. But God do I hate this cold weather!!!  BRRRRRRR.

Here’s hoping there is even more good news in 2010! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all.

I admit it. I am extremely caught up in the Christmas Spirit right now. Look, don’t be offended if you are not a Christian. This post will have very little to do with Jesus anyway. Keep reading!

When I was a boy, they taught us in Catholic school that the true spirit of Christmas is giving. Of course like all the other kids I was like “blah blah blah giving schmiving, where’s my presents!?!?”

Now that I am all grown up, I’m still like that. My first response to almost any request is “what’s in it for me?” and if the answer is “nothing” you can usually count me out. This is the reality of the life of a performing artist:  it is the most selfish way to serve others. Today’s actor/model/comedian/dancer/ventriloquist/sword swallower/whatever must immerse himself so deeply into the task of competing for one inch of room at the top there is frankly little time for other people. It’s harsh but it’s true.

But I don’t know what’s come over me lately. I hardly recognize myself anymore! I’m doing all kinds of nice stuff for people and I am starting to wonder whether a gaggle of diabolically charitable aliens brainwashed me in my sleep and turned me into someone who gives a damn. In fact people are sarcastically giving each other quarters today and instructing each other to call me!

Now, I don’t like when anyone makes fun of retarded people. So many comedians go for the hacky, easy impression of a person without all his faculties and whenever I see that I don’t laugh, not even that awkward forced laugh we comics sometimes do for each other out of obligation. I was always taught not to make fun of something a person can not control, such as his height, skin color, or really bad taste in music. My neighbor’s obsession with The Black Eyed Peas is not his fault so it’s not fair game!

I dont know anyone who is autistic. I am not sure I have ever even seen Rain Man. But when the charitable organization Autism Speaks asked me to headline a benefit performance, I somehow overheard myself agreeing to do it for free without knowing what was in it for me. Damn those aliens!

It turns out that organizing and perfoming in that show last weekend was one of the most selfish things I have ever done. My heart has never felt fuller than when I met the audience afterwards. The look on one man’s face when he told me how much he loves his autistic son is one I will never forget. The fulfillment from doing something good for other people around Christmastime is so strong that for about half a second I forgot that my stand-up has never been televised.

It was the greatest half-second of 2009.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

www.autismspeaks.org

I have a great life. I live in New York City, I work fairly hard and I play very hard. I make a fine living telling jokes onstage and lies on the felt, but one question remains, and I think it is a fundamental question we all must ask ourselves:  Why is Clayton Fletcher not famous?

I have been working professionally in the entertainment field for 22 years and I am always amazed at the seemingly arbitrary decisions the “masterminds” who run my industry make. How someone gets picked for this commercial or that comedy festival or this film role seems random at times. The mysteries of who gets put into the fame machine and who doesn’t have always been unsolvable to me.

And then last Wednesday I held an open call for comedians at New York Comedy Club. And I got to see firsthand what those who routinely hold auditions see:  people don’t suck!

We had no idea who would walk through that door, but cynically we expected most of them to be just plain awful. And to be fair, some of them were. Truly awful. Decidedly awful. A couple even took awful to the next level, flawful!

But the overwhelming majority of aspiring young performers of whom I sat atop my high horse in judgment were talented! Ah, talent, that undefinable quality somewhere between having a knack for something and being truly superhuman. Sure, many of these comics were green and unseasoned, but even they were original, hungry, gifted, ambitious, and fresh. In a word, talented!

To be clear, there is a difference between being successful in comedy and being famous. There are many professional comedians whose names you do not know. Many of them are talented but none are famous. I recently gave an interview to the popular comedy website Big Ben Comedy about this exact subject. Read it here:  http://www.bigbencomedy.com/blog/archives/clayton-fletcher-becoming-a-full-time-comedian/

My job on this day was to pick five performers out of the 45 or so who auditioned for guest spots in my show (which by the way takes place every Friday and Saturday 8PM at New York Comedy Club–shameless plugs may increase your level of nausea and my level of fame). Choosing the top five was impossible. There were at least 17 whom we really liked and felt could do the spots. But we had to pick only five. And the process we used to narrow it down was, well, arbitrary! Since it really didn’t matter, we just took five out the 17 and the rest were out of luck that day.

I couldn’t help but wonder how those we rejected felt. I do a lot of auditioning myself and I often feel rejected, but maybe I should remember that there is always a luck factor in auditioning that is completely out of my hands. Now that I spent a day on the other side of the desk, I know that in show business, as in poker, you have to get lucky. In the end it’s all in the cards.

Last week I learned that one of my best friends from college, Bobby Spencer (known as J. Robert Spencer on Broadway) was nominated for a Tony Award for his role in Next To Normal.  To say that I am proud of Bobby would be an understatement akin to calling Kim Kardashian “slightly curvaceous.”

Bobby Spencer is one of the most talented people I know. He has the ability to make everyone around him laugh hysterically and then two seconds later he can make them cry their eyes out.  This man’s presence is so powerful that when he walks into the room you feel it. When we were both students at Shenandoah Conservatory, I admired Bobby’s commitment to the craft of theatre and his overwhelming talent. He was the Big Man on Campus (if theatre schools have that sort of thing). Bobby is a terrific singer with incredible acting range and chops. He also plays several instruments, as you may have seen him do in Jersey Boys. But what I always thought he had was an intangible magnetism, a star quality I guess is best described as charisma. Whatever that “It” factor is, Bobby Spencer has it.

My passion for musical theatre has dwindled significantly in the last few years, as my love for doing stand-up comedy has grown. But seeing my friend realize a dream we once both shared, the dream being nominated for a Tony Award, takes me back to days I spent in rural Virginia trying to find my motivation both onstage and off.

Here’s to Bobby Spencer, an extremely deserving multitalented performer and a hell of a great guy! I hope you win the prize, but it is an honor to be nominated. And for me, it is an honor to be your friend. Break a leg, old pal!

If anyone is still interested in that lovable gang of misfits known as the Baltimore Orioles, I am here to tell you there is light at the end of the tunnel! Matt Wieters, who by all accounts is second only to Jesus as a catcher, joins the team this Friday. Let the hype begin!

But it is not only Matt Wieters that has all three of us (the remaining Orioles fans) excited. We have some hot young pitchers coming up, we are seeing some very promising performances from young players like Robert Andino and Adam Jones, and the owner is indicating he is wiling to spend like the old days if the team “turns the corner.”

This team is turning the corner. You read it here first. The Orioles will finish this season right around .500 and next year will actually contend in that hotbed of futility known as the American League East.

Also Amber Theoharis is kind of hot.

I have not blogged in a long time, but I need to do so today. I recently had an epiphany (or was her name Tiffany) and I want to share what I learned.
 

I have been “almost famous” for a long time. I work very hard at my craft and last week I thought I may be on the verge of my “big break” when I did well on an audition for a new pilot on HBO. But they “went with someone else” who was shorter and less fond of unnecessary “quotation marks” than I am.
 

I also received some other discouraging news with regard to a certain comedy festival somewhere in Canada (I won’t say the name of the city but it rhymes with Bontreal). In short, I was starting to feel like one career door after another was slamming in my face. I even started to feel a little bit of professional jealousy of my friends who are hot in the business right now. And just when my self-obsessed self-centered selfishness was approaching record altitude (and that’s really saying something), the phone rang.
 

Mom: Hi, Clayton
CF: Hi, Mom. You’re crying. What’s wrong.
Mom: Grandmom died last night.

Talk about a wake-up call! Here I am, “Poor me, I didn’t get HBO, my friend is doing Law and Order, how come he gets to play Madison Square Garden and I don’t, blah blah wah wah wah” and the proverbial ton of bricks was waiting in the wings.
 

My grandmother was one of my best friends. I haven’t felt a loss like this since the Colts moved to Indiana. At this point, who gives a damn about whether some “industry person” thinks that my comedy act needs a stronger “point of view.”  When you lose a dear friend and family member, crap like that doesn’t matter anymore.
 

I canceled seven comedy spots last weekend, jumped on the first train to Baltimore, and began the mourning process. Special thanks to God for five straight days of rain just to help me and my Seasonal Affective Disorder really set the tone for a rip-roaring funeral. Nice touch, dude.
 

I returned to the stage last night after a week’s layoff. The sold-out crowd wanted to laugh but I didn’t want to make them laugh. And then the memory of my grandmother overcame me. She was one person who thought everything I did or said was funny. I know that I brought her so much joy over the years through my sense of humor. Last night, I felt her encouraging me to do the same for the hundred-plus people at New York Comedy Club.
 

And I did. And the epiphany hit me. One detail I left out is that my grandmother died of a heart attack while doing a jigsaw puzzle. She loved puzzles about as much as I love performing. It all came together for me while I was onstage last night. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself when the industry doesn’t pick me to be the next Clayton Fletcher. I should be living my life thanking God for the fact that I make a good living doing something that I truly love and making people feel good. Even if I never get my HBO special this story has to be considered a success. I will die someday too, and I just hope I’m lucky enough to die with a mic in my hand.
 

From now on, no more “poor me.” I have it good, really good, and I need to remember what is really important in life:  loving what you do each day.
 

Thank you, Grandmom, for showing me the way.