It is obvious to me that Spring rules. Shh, this is not open to debate. You know I am right and I know I am right, so let’s not have this fight. May is no time to be contrary. Spring rules!!!
Here are the top seven reasons why Spring is awesome:
7. Baseball Begins. There are those who say that baseball is boring, that it is too slow. Some people complain that the game has been long since ruined by things like steroids, free agency, and fish tacos. Those people did not grow up in Baltimore. When I was a boy, three things mattered: eating, breathing, and The Baltimore Orioles. As any girl I have ever dated can attest, I have yet to grow up. Go O’s!!!
6. Motorcycle Season Begins. Every April when I uncover my Suzuki SV650 and start her up for the first time, I get a tingly feeling. And not just the tingly feeling between my legs from revving the engine. I am talking about the excitement of looking forward to a new year on the open road. Plus the other one. That’s good too. Mmmm, Suzi!
5. People in New York Are Less Miserable. Buoyant! Cheerful! Perky! These are words that never apply to New Yorkers! Not even in Spring! But the fact that another brutal winter is over makes the smirk on the average Manhattanite’s face just a smidgen less sarcastic than usual. And that’s good enough for me, he said with a slightly sarcastic smirk.
4. Aids Walk New York. It’s the largest AIDS fundraiser in the world. The eighties may be over, but this disease still affects millions of people. This year the event is on May 16th. It is always a great time and of course it is a great cause! Get involved at www.gmhc.org.
3. Comedy Clubs Contain People. The first few months of the year are challenging in the comedy business. The truth is many New Yorkers spend the coldest months in hibernation. Those people are ready to go out and have fun once the weather finally breaks. And Fun is my middle name (I had it legally changed from Myron).
2. Central Park Is My Backyard. Okay, I actually do not live that close to CP but I love her so much that I make it a point of visiting at least twice a week during the warm months. A 25-minute walk or a five-minute motorcycle ride and I’m in heaven. Sheep Meadow and Heckscher Field are good places to look for me this month. Unless I owe you money, in which case I hate hot chicks and softball. Try the DMV. I’m probably there. Yeah.
1. New York Women Are Not Modest! For an Orioles fan, by this point in the season the only true spectator sport of interest is girl-watching. The most beautiful women in the world live in New York, and fortunately for all of us they are not shy. Spring brings with it a certain promise of skin that could incite riots to make Stravinsky proud. Panama City Beach can have their tawdry Spring Break antics; Rio de Janeiro can have their half-naked Carnivale. For real girl-watching infused with style and attitude, you just can’t beat the streets of New York, where the world’s hottest women pretend not to care that no one can take their eyes off of them. Truly the greatest sport of all!