In last year’s BOP, I sarcastically made a “bold” prediction that my favorite sports team would not lose 98 games, and they promptly went out and damn near lost more than that! If not for a miraculous performance in the last two months of 2010, they would have threatened the 1899 Cleveland Spiders’ all-time futility mark of 134 losses. So my sarcasm proved umm…unwarranted, to say the least.

So what went wrong? In short, everything. Leadoff man Brian Roberts and closer Mike Gonzalez were both injured on Opening Day (although Gonzalez foolishly tried to play through his elbow tendinitis, which resulted in four heartbreaking blown saves in Week One alone). Young pitching failed to take the next step, normally reliable hitters had down years, free agent signings didn’t come close to panning out, severe injuries struck throughout the roster, and the Orioles went through three managers in six months. It wasn’t pretty. It was one of the most painful seasons in Orioles history.

But they didn’t lose 98 games. They lost 96, thanks to an incredible resurgence and return to health over the final two months of the season. Put that together with some big offseason acquisitions, and new manager Buck Showalter has good reason for the recent spring in his step (if not his recent inflammatory remarks to Men’s Journal). Let’s take a look:

INFIELD
Lots of fresh faces here, as the Orioles acquired 1B Derrek Lee, SS J.J. Hardy and 3B Mark Reynolds during the offseason. In keeping with the “grow the arms/buy the bats” mantra, it would appear that the Orioles infield should be a strength, on both offense and defense. The player with my full attention is Reynolds. He’s an intriguing slugger (50 HR potential) who is also the majors’ undisputed all-time strikeout king (no one has ever had more strikeouts in three years than Reynolds from ‘08 to ‘10). Personally, I don’t mind if he strikes out 200 times as long as he also walks a lot (he always does) and hits 35+ dingers. Given the embarassing lack of production from corner infielders at Camden Yards last year, I think I can speak for the entire city when I say “we’ll take it.” Swing away, Mark!

OUTFIELD
Orioles fans know the names:  Markakis, Jones, and Scott. All three are solid defenders (Markakis has maybe the best arm in the game) and all three can hit. Jones is a five-tool player whom I expect to turn the corner this year. Don’t be surprised if he ends up hitting .275 with 20 homers and 20 steals in 2011. This man is a star on the rise.

DESIGNATED HITTER
Five years ago, the Orioles were serious bidders in the Vladimir Guerrero sweepstakes but barely lost out on him when he signed with the Angels. History did not repeat itself this offseason, as the birds finally got their man. Sure, he’s 36 now, sure he’s always an injury risk, and sure they overpaid, but if he drives in 100 no one will care about any of that. Vlad had a terrific spring and looks ready to contribute to what could well be a top-10 offense in Baltimore. This future Hall of Famer is going to do some big things at Camden Yards if he stays healthy. Here’s hoping he can!

CATCHER
Two years ago, Matt Wieters joined the big league club amid more hype than Jesus. He has been a terrific backstop and leader, but the power he displayed in his minor league days has not surfaced in the majors as of yet. Many experts are predicting a big year for Wieters in 2011, but what else is new? We’ve been hearing this kid’s name since he was 18! Time will tell, but the worst he can be is an above average catcher with a rocket arm and perfectly acceptable offensive production. The upside? Well, the sky’s the limit, hence the hype.

STARTING PITCHING
Well, we’ve grown the arms and now the promising pitchers that the Orioles have been excited about on the farm for years have the fate of the franchise on their strong young shoulders. Matusz, Arrieta, Tillman, Britton, Bergeson. The O’s are banking on these five guys in their early to mid 20s fulfilling their potential all at the same time like a Chia-Rotation (just add water). They have all shown flashes of brilliance (Matusz in particular pitched to a 2.16 ERA after August 1st last year) but can these kids lead this team to the playoffs now? Or will they take another year or two to develop? If these young guns rise to the next level, these Orioles can compete with anyone. I say “why not” and fully expect the Orioles to shave nearly an entire point off their team ERA in 2011 (last year’s mark of 4.59 was the fourth worst in baseball), and join the top ten in this category with a shocking 3.68! If I am right about that, this is going to be a great year indeed.

RELIEF PITCHING
The Orioles’ bullpen should be very solid this year, with three former closers (Gonzalez plus Koji Uehara and newly acquired Kevin Gregg) in the mix. I am not expecting too many late leads to be coughed up, and I think we had quite enough of that last year anyway.

COACHING STAFF
Virtually no one is returning from last year’s regime. Manager Buck Showalter is at the helm now and so far is the star of the team (last year’s late season resurgence coincided with Showalter’s joining the club, but it also coincided with about five regulars coming off of the DL, so the “Showalter Effect” is probably being overstated in the media). All of the new coaches are proven winners, from pitching coach Mark Connor to bench coach Willie Randolph. The coaching staff could be the “X-factor” the Orioles have been missing during their franchise-record 13-season losing streak.

I say the streak ends now! I believe the 2011 Baltimore Orioles have enough pieces in place to be an extremely intriguing team. I predict a winning record for the boys in orange and black, and I think there will be meaningful games in August and September this year. While I do not predict that the Orioles will make the playoffs, I wouldn’t bet the farm against it. I think this team will win 86 games, which in Baltimore will feel like Ed McMahon knocking on the door.

The real obstacle is the impossibly competitive division in which the Orioles play, the AL East. I think there will be more parity in this division this year than we have seen at any point in my life. I predict that four out of five AL East teams will all have winning records but the division champ will have fewer than 94 wins. That’s parity, stiff competition that will make for an exciting season from start to finish.

Here’s to our national pastime, and all that she brings!  PLAY BALL!!!

As 2010 comes to a close, I realize how fortunate I am to lead the life that I do. I have a wonderful (dual) career that takes me all over the world. I have amazing friends and a loving family. And I personify the old adage “Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.”  For all the doom and gloom in the media and the human tendency to focus on what’s not perfect, my life is great! I am so blessed and so lucky, it was good to be Clayton in 2010.

Here are some highlights from the year that was:

JANUARY
Enjoyed visiting friends in Los Angeles for a few days and then took off for Melbourne, Australia. Competed in several major poker tournaments at Crown Casino including the 2010 Aussie Millions Main Event. Performed at the Last Laugh Comedy Club for several sold out crowds. Fell in love with a city I never thought I’d see in a million years.

FEBRUARY
Played in the World Poker Tour (WPT) Los Angeles Poker Classic (LAPC), then headed back to frigid NYC to make a few rare appearances in The Clayton Fletcher Show before they decide to change the name! Later in the month, enjoyed performing in and around Albany, NY with my dear friend Greg Aidala. Did lots of writing and plenty of performing this month.

MARCH
More gigs upstate with Greg Aidala, including a really fun one at Sage College. Taught some corporate comedy seminars in the tri-state area. Continued headlining The Clayton Fletcher Show at New York Comedy Club and working more at Stand Up New York, Broadway Comedy Club, and Carolines. Spent a good deal of time writing and talking comedy with my beautiful and hilarious friend Jamie Lee.

APRIL
Qualified for the North American Poker Tour (NAPT) Mohegan Sun Main Event. Made my first ever Day Two, surviving a brutal table that included poker greats Hoyt Corkins, Eric Liu, and John D’Agostino. Busted out early on Day Two by losing a coinflip to Shawn Buchanan.  Also made two final tables in major events on Cake Poker and took first place in a small event at the Borgata Spring Open. A great month of poker but I am eager to get back to the jokes I am working on.

MAY
Hit the stand-up scene really hard with gigs from Asheville, NC to Sag Harbor, NY as well as my twice-weekly headlining gig in The Clayton Fletcher Show at New York Comedy Club. Performed at an “after-prom” party near Canada, which led to a really fun new joke. Served as keynote speaker for the Public Relations Society of America Counselor’s Academy, a big retreat in North Carolina. Taught PR execs how to use comedy to enhance their business models and I felt very well received. Did shows in NYC at Broadway Comedy Club, Stand Up New York, and Carolines. Enjoyed playing softball in Central Park with my team, Dive Bar Collective.

JUNE
Participated in the 41st Annual World Series of Poker and qualified for the Main Event. This event featured 7,300 of the world’s best poker players. I did not cash but I played against new millionaire Matt Jarvis for twelve hours. Matt finished seventh in this event. While in Vegas I also performed in The Las Vegas Comedy Show with my good friend Joe Lowers.

JULY
Auditioned for Saturday Night Live. It was a great experience and quite an honor to be considered for such an iconic TV show. Big shout to my agent for pulling that string and getting me that opportunity!  Headlined in New Orleans and opened for one of my all-time heroes, David Alan Grier, in the Hamptons. Taped a segment of “Who’s Laughing Now” for Comcast Television. Even made it to New York Comedy Club a few times to headline The Clayton Fletcher Show!

AUGUST
Hit the comedy business hard this month, doing over 55 shows! Headlined in Saratoga and performed all over New York City. I love summer because it’s great to get up all around town and travel to gigs on my beloved motorcycle. Had a really good month in the cash games on Carbon Poker and Cake Poker late nights after the gigs.

SEPTEMBER
Participated in the Borgata Poker Open (WPT) but didn’t cash. Made the semi-finals of the First Annual World Series of Comedy in Las Vegas. Had a blast being funny and hanging with the gang out there.  Congrats to Andrew Norelli, who won the damn thing

OCTOBER
Made my European debut with my first trip to Sweden! Enjoyed Stockholm and Uppsala tremendously. Always great to be with my dear friend Zinat Pirzadeh.

NOVEMBER
Performed all over New York and New Jersey, met a comic named Hamburger, participated in the Venetian Deep Stack Extravaganza in Las Vegas and got to cheer my good friend Dylan Drazen on to his first major final table in the DSE Main Event! Performed with my old pal Bobby Collins at Bananas Comedy Club in New Jersey. Hosted my biggest gig of the year, my brother’s wedding in Baltimore.

DECEMBER
Enjoyed a great trip to Playa del Carmen, participated in the World Series of Poker Circuit Event at Harrahs Atlantic City, headlined at NYCC Boca-Nutz in South Florida and enjoyed a great trip with my buddies Al Martin and Dylan Drazen (aka The Bubble Thugs). Enjoyed a great NFL game between Miami and Buffalo and tremendous cash game action at Isle of Capri Pompano. Then a great Christmas with friends and family followed by a great New Year’s Eve Party at New York Comedy Club.

Surely 2010 was a great year, but what will the new year bring? Time will tell, but here’s hoping for even bigger and better things ahead!

It is obvious to me that Spring rules. Shh, this is not open to debate. You know I am right and I know I am right, so let’s not have this fight. May is no time to be contrary. Spring rules!!!

Here are the top seven reasons why Spring is awesome:

7.  Baseball Begins. There are those who say that baseball is boring, that it is too slow. Some people complain that the game has been long since ruined by things like steroids, free agency, and fish tacos. Those people did not grow up in Baltimore. When I was a boy, three things mattered: eating, breathing, and The Baltimore Orioles. As any girl I have ever dated can attest, I have yet to grow up. Go O’s!!!

6. Motorcycle Season Begins. Every April when I uncover my Suzuki SV650 and start her up for the first time, I get a tingly feeling. And not just the tingly feeling between my legs from revving the engine. I am talking about the excitement of looking forward to a new year on the open road. Plus the other one. That’s good too. Mmmm, Suzi!

5. People in New York Are Less Miserable. Buoyant! Cheerful! Perky! These are words that never apply to New Yorkers! Not even in Spring! But the fact that another brutal winter is over makes the smirk on the average Manhattanite’s face just a smidgen less sarcastic than usual.  And that’s good enough for me, he said with a slightly sarcastic smirk.

4. Aids Walk New York. It’s the largest AIDS fundraiser in the world. The eighties may be over, but this disease still affects millions of people. This year the event is on May 16th. It is always a great time and of course it is a great cause! Get involved at www.gmhc.org.

3. Comedy Clubs Contain People. The first few months of the year are challenging in the comedy business. The truth is many New Yorkers spend the coldest months in hibernation. Those people are ready to go out and have fun once the weather finally breaks. And Fun is my middle name (I had it legally changed from Myron).

2. Central Park Is My Backyard. Okay, I actually do not live that close to CP but I love her so much that I make it a point of visiting at least twice a week during the warm months. A 25-minute walk or a five-minute motorcycle ride and I’m in heaven. Sheep Meadow and Heckscher Field are good places to look for me this month.  Unless I owe you money, in which case I hate hot chicks and softball. Try the DMV. I’m probably there. Yeah.

1. New York Women Are Not Modest! For an Orioles fan, by this point in the season the only true spectator sport of interest is girl-watching. The most beautiful women in the world live in New York, and fortunately for all of us they are not shy. Spring brings with it a certain promise of skin that could incite riots to make Stravinsky proud. Panama City Beach can have their tawdry Spring Break antics; Rio de Janeiro can have their half-naked Carnivale. For real girl-watching infused with style and attitude, you just can’t beat the streets of New York, where the world’s hottest women pretend not to care that no one can take their eyes off of them. Truly the greatest sport of all!

If I ever disappear and you don’t know where to find me, one good place to start looking might be Melbourne, Australia. I love this town!

Even though I will not be coming home with the Aussie Millions championship bracelet and the two million bucks to go with it, I will be coming home with some really great memories.

My hotel is located along the Yarra River, which runs right through the heart of this amazing world city. Like a tiny, quaint version of Baltimore’s Inner Harbor, the CBD (Central Business District) features shops, bars, restaurants, street musicians, and a peaceful, breathtaking image that reminds you this is no average place.

Many of you know how important weather is to me, and I could not ask for better! Here in Melbourne, it is 76 degrees with a very light breeze. There are never any clouds in the sky and no evidence that God hates me ever presents itself in the form of extreme windchill. Every day I look forward to stepping out onto the sidewalk in my shorts and t-shirt. By the way, it’s January.

People here are very warm and friendly. But what strikes me most about attitudes among Victorians is their sheer pride in their city. Yesterday at the poker table a man asserted without irony that “this is the best city in the world, hands down.” And he know darn well that I come from New York! I could not really argue with him, at least not in January.

Tomorrow night is my Australian debut at The Last Laugh Comedy Club in downtown Melbourne. The show is at 9PM and I hope you can make it. I can’t wait to see how people react to my American sense of humor. Should be interesting…

If you like smiling faces, beautiful scenery, world class restaurants, fine arts, nightlife, and sports, you will love Melbourne, Australia. Possibly the best city in the world!

As 2009 draws to a close I realize it has been one of the best years of my life! In the spirit of trying to be thankful for all of life’s precious gifts, I want to look back on 2009 in this blog entry.

JANUARY
I spent most of January freezing my ass off while running to and from various comedy shows. I auditioned for David Letterman and the Montreal Comedy Festival. Didn’t get either but at least I got seen. Brrr it’s cold!!!

FEBRUARY
Flew West (???) for the winter. Performed in The Las Vegas Comedy Show and participated in the Venetian Deep Stack poker series. No cashes but gained valuable experience in a major tournament. Cleaned up in the cash games so did a little worse than even this month pokerwise. The shows in LV were incredible, as always. Thank you, Joe Lowers!!!

MARCH
Back to NYC. Auditioned for Comedy Central. Didn’t book that. The Clayton Fletcher Show thrives and features guests like Gary Gulman and Christian Finnegan! Advertising Age did a really nice piece on my corporate comedy training seminar. Performed on Carnival Cruise Lines with my best friend Jason Dowty. Baseball season started. Go Orioles!

APRIL
Lots of performing in and around NYC. Auditioned for an Uma Thurman movie. Didn’t book it. The Clayton Fletcher Show going strong and now twice a week, every Friday and Saturday. Was keynote speaker at the Lumin Summit in North Carolina. Also did lots of stuff at Carolines and Stand Up NY.

MAY
Spent a weekend in Atlantic City with my buddy Al. I won $7,000 for Third Place at Borgata. Had a nice cigar and an amazing dinner at Bobby Flay’s with my pal to celebrate. Performed to capacity crowds in my hometown at The Baltimore Comedy Factory. Debut of my brand new website ClaytonFletcher.com   Beginning of softball season in Central Park!

JUNE
Back to Vegas for The Las Vegas Comedy Show and various debaucherous adventures (none of which can be mentioned as per Las Vegas policy. It stays there).

JULY
Met Jamie Foxx and performed on his radio show, The Foxxhole! Also participated in the 40th Annual World Series of Poker. Didn’t cash but gained more major tournament experience. Took Fourth Place at a celebrity charity event at The Playboy Mansion. Still can not believe that I was at the Playboy Mansion!!!

AUGUST
Broke my previous record of 63 shows in one month by doing 74 in August 2009. Most of them in/around NYC at New York Comedy Club, Carolines, Gotham, Broadway, and Stand Up NY. Wrote some new jokes and got them working. Was featured on the Two Plus Two Poker Podcast live from the Hard Rock Hotel.

SEPTEMBER
Worked with Peppercom on a hilarious promotional video called The Sleazy Underbelly. Performed in the Boston Comedy Festival and made the semi-finals. Sold-out Clayton Fletcher Shows every weekend in New York. Participated in the World Poker Tour Main Event at Borgata. Ran kings into aces and then went home.

OCTOBER
Appeared on WNBC’s Today in New York. Had an article published for Simple Motivation magazine. New York Comedy Club open mic named Best in NYC. Had a featured role in the film Whistle and Snap featured in the Friars Club Comedy Film Festival. Worked harder on my stand-up than ever before throughout October. Headlined a fundraiser for breast cancer research benefitting the Tour de Pink bike race.

NOVEMBER
One last trip to Las Vegas for 2009, this time with my friends Al Martin and Dylan Drazen. We had a blast, named ourselves The Bubble Thugs. Not too much bubbling going on as Al finished in first place at Bellagio and Dylan took second at Caesars Palace. My own glory would have to wait one month.  Meanwhile, back at the ranch my show continues to sell out at New York Comedy Club.

DECEMBER
Third Place at Harrahs WSOP Circuit Event, my first major final table. Organized an amazing fundraiser for Autism Speaks. Christmas spirit gets the best of me and I spend most of the month being a softee. But God do I hate this cold weather!!!  BRRRRRRR.

Here’s hoping there is even more good news in 2010! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all.

I admit it. I am extremely caught up in the Christmas Spirit right now. Look, don’t be offended if you are not a Christian. This post will have very little to do with Jesus anyway. Keep reading!

When I was a boy, they taught us in Catholic school that the true spirit of Christmas is giving. Of course like all the other kids I was like “blah blah blah giving schmiving, where’s my presents!?!?”

Now that I am all grown up, I’m still like that. My first response to almost any request is “what’s in it for me?” and if the answer is “nothing” you can usually count me out. This is the reality of the life of a performing artist:  it is the most selfish way to serve others. Today’s actor/model/comedian/dancer/ventriloquist/sword swallower/whatever must immerse himself so deeply into the task of competing for one inch of room at the top there is frankly little time for other people. It’s harsh but it’s true.

But I don’t know what’s come over me lately. I hardly recognize myself anymore! I’m doing all kinds of nice stuff for people and I am starting to wonder whether a gaggle of diabolically charitable aliens brainwashed me in my sleep and turned me into someone who gives a damn. In fact people are sarcastically giving each other quarters today and instructing each other to call me!

Now, I don’t like when anyone makes fun of retarded people. So many comedians go for the hacky, easy impression of a person without all his faculties and whenever I see that I don’t laugh, not even that awkward forced laugh we comics sometimes do for each other out of obligation. I was always taught not to make fun of something a person can not control, such as his height, skin color, or really bad taste in music. My neighbor’s obsession with The Black Eyed Peas is not his fault so it’s not fair game!

I dont know anyone who is autistic. I am not sure I have ever even seen Rain Man. But when the charitable organization Autism Speaks asked me to headline a benefit performance, I somehow overheard myself agreeing to do it for free without knowing what was in it for me. Damn those aliens!

It turns out that organizing and perfoming in that show last weekend was one of the most selfish things I have ever done. My heart has never felt fuller than when I met the audience afterwards. The look on one man’s face when he told me how much he loves his autistic son is one I will never forget. The fulfillment from doing something good for other people around Christmastime is so strong that for about half a second I forgot that my stand-up has never been televised.

It was the greatest half-second of 2009.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

www.autismspeaks.org

Last week I learned that one of my best friends from college, Bobby Spencer (known as J. Robert Spencer on Broadway) was nominated for a Tony Award for his role in Next To Normal. To say that I am proud of Bobby would be an understatement akin to calling Kim Kardashian “slightly curvaceous.”

Bobby Spencer is one of the most talented people I know. He has the ability to make everyone around him laugh hysterically and then two seconds later he can make them cry their eyes out.  This man’s presence is so powerful that when he walks into the room you feel it. When we were both students at Shenandoah Conservatory, I admired Bobby’s commitment to the craft of theatre and his overwhelming talent. He was the Big Man on Campus (if theatre schools have that sort of thing). Bobby is a terrific singer with incredible acting range and chops. He also plays several instruments, as you may have seen him do in Jersey Boys. But what I always thought he had was an intangible magnetism, a star quality I guess is best described as charisma. Whatever that “It” factor is, Bobby Spencer has it.

My passion for musical theatre has dwindled significantly in the last few years, as my love for doing stand-up comedy has grown. But seeing my friend realize a dream we once both shared, the dream being nominated for a Tony Award, takes me back to days I spent in rural Virginia trying to find my motivation both onstage and off.

Here’s to Bobby Spencer, an extremely deserving multitalented performer and a hell of a great guy! I hope you win the prize, but it is an honor to be nominated. And for me, it is an honor to be your friend. Break a leg, old pal!